I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
