Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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