the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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