Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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