i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
