it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
