You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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