11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
