Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
