It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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