doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
