I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
