im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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