You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
