Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
