Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
