just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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