So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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