I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
