alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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