Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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