i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
