Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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