at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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