This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize