Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
and eventually we just all took our pants off
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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