we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize