Are we in a gay sports bar?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
