Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
