on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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