You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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