My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
