he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
