wanna go halves on a baby?
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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