Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
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