I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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