There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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