You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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