dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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