please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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