Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
