I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
