At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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