That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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