I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize