I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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