You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sext me about skeletons
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
