On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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