Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
