you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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