He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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