Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
