if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize