The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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