Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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