I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
