Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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