I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
