I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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