I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
