Your tits are I can't wait for
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
