So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize