I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
