nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize