New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize