I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
