Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
