im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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