Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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