booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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