haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Couch. On fire.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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