Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
