Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
