Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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